I look in the mirror and I feel I failed you. I look back at the pictures of victory in the athletic arena. I scrutinize over my many choices that could have been better since that time. Maybe I could have abstained from that decadent dish while dining out, or pushed myself a little harder in a prenatal workout, or chosen to workout rather than sleep in my delirious state of being a new parent to get back to you.
But here are the facts: we have dominated incredible workouts together on the track, pushed ourselves to new heights, and lifted heavier weights then we ever thought were possible. We spent countless hours working together to perfect ourselves to be a fine-tuned athletic machine.
Fast forward eleven years and what you have done and the scars you bear are far more insurmountable then the countless hours in the weight room and on the track. You and I carried two beautiful, incredible boys into this world. The first, a very healthy lengthy pregnancy (42 weeks), we healed together and were able to get back to our college competition weight. WE were determined to dominate the second pregnancy to be fitter and healthier, however, it did not go as planned. We were derailed by an uncontrollable diagnosis putting us on modified to complete bedrest for the entire pregnancy to ensure we would meet him. The pregnancy was long but short ending in an emergency non-routine C-section with a couple more incisions. Complications occurred after the pregnancy, further derailing our recovery on the road to peak physical strength. We look in the mirror everyday and see the scars, the loose skin, and the extra fat in places it didn’t appear before or was never there. We long for the days of being a fine-tuned college athlete.
But you are stronger because you persevere in days running on very little sleep. Your needs come in last after the boys’ needs to ensure they are loved, fed nutritious home cooked meals, play outside for hours, or quietly read books before bed because you are fiercer than an athlete: you are MOM.
The facts are that you have done incredible things together, but my mom-body bears two beautiful scars and stretch marks from creating the two most incredible blessings I could ever receive. I may never have the perfect six-pack, the chiseled muscular legs, or perfectly cellulite-free booty, but I did not fail you. I am happier, stronger, mentally tougher, and proud of my scars. I will not long for the past, scrutinize over every little part of my new body, but embrace it, enjoy every run or workout no matter how tough it was to start or complete it because I am worth it.